Go Peyton!

Written on Sunday, February 7, 2010 | 0 thoughts shared

My precious Jacob,

I cannot believe you are 3 months old. You are a chunky monkey! Daddy weighed you last night on our scale, and you weighed 14 and 1/2 pounds!! Mommy is developing some biceps because you love to be held. Your favorite thing to do is eat. You are smiling like crazy right now, and it melts my heart every time.

You have just started playing in your baby gym, and it is so fun to watch you grab your toys. We are still getting up twice at night to eat...my little night owl. You also love taking your bath, and you are so cute during it-you look like a little old man. We love to cuddle with you, give you kisses, and tell you how much we love you.

I didn't know how it would be to have a son, but I ABSOLUTELY love it. You are so fun and precious. I love you my baby boy.

Love,

Mommy

Written on Tuesday, January 19, 2010 | 0 thoughts shared

Jacob in his first sport coat

Playing in the snow last weekend

Written on Friday, January 15, 2010 | 1 thoughts shared

Written on Thursday, January 7, 2010 | 0 thoughts shared

My parents came to visit for New Years as we were here for Christmas since Marcus was on call. It was great to have them here. Jacob smiled at my dad like crazy, and so I was actually able to capture it on camera. My dad's birthday was Monday, and we attempted to celebrate with a birthday dinner which lasted about 2 minutes before both kids decided to melt down at once. Nothing says happy birthday like mass chaos!

Now we are on our own, and I'm admittedly in a funk. My babysitter is gone for the next 2 weeks and we are also no longer having anyone come to help us at night. I'm trying desperately not to be frustrated by the hard stage we are in. Jacob's reflux has continued to get worse, resulting in a very fussy baby (thankfully he has gained weight fine and has the chubby legs to prove it!). He is up most of the night, sleeping in 1-2 hour stretches if we are lucky, and only then when we're holding him. No bed, no moses basket, no carseat...he won't have any of that.

To top it off, he has to be held during the day as well or he screams. My mom was even amazed at how quickly he would decompensate into screaming within 5 minutes of laying him down, putting him in the swing, or carseat, etc. The upside is I could write a book about all the things I have learned to do one-handed including putting on makeup and blowdrying my hair. Now if I could just learn how to shower while holding a 13 pound baby.

Let me stop here and say I do know it could always be worse. I know that there are so many people who would give their left arms to have children. I know there are so many kids who have serious, life-threatening medical problems. I know there are people who are trying to take care of kids while both parents are out of work. Thinking about these things does not make me feel better....it just makes me incredibly sad for those families.

Our sweet lady who helped us at night once a week for the past 2 months has 5 children, 3 of whom are triplets, which she breastfed, said that a night with Jacob in the past month could've given her triplets a run for their money. Oh dear! My super sunny husband even looked at me recently and said, "It's like we won some kind of perverse lottery...two babies with awful reflux and colic." Like I said, oh dear, or other choice words.

And so...for 2010 I am attempting to not compare myself or my children to those around me. Not to be jealous of those whose 2 month olds sleep through the night, or those who breastfeed quickly with no problems, or those who shed their baby weight in 6 weeks. But, it's hard. I think as women we all struggle with comparing ourselves to others, constantly sizing up or lives by seeing what those around us are accomplishing.

Instead, I'm trying to remember the words of some wise friends of mine. When I am feeling guilty about my daughter watching way to much TV while I struggle to feed the baby every 2 hours, I want to remember the words from my sweet friend Meredith who says, "There's no room for guilt in parenting. Just do the best you can." Or I hear my sweet friend Erin quoting Elisabeth Elliot, "Just do the next thing."

And so in the middle of the chaos, when I feel like screaming with my 2 year old during her tantrum, instead I need to "just do the next thing", which right now means a marathon of breastfeeding, pumping, washing bottles, changing dirty diapers, and loving on my 2 precious children. And, I need to do lots of praying. Pray for me to if you think of it. I could sure use it right now.

Venting into the vastness of the internet must be therapeutic. I already feel better.

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Written on Saturday, December 26, 2009 | 0 thoughts shared

Written on Thursday, December 24, 2009 | 0 thoughts shared